


Bildungsroman

by Marta_Ayanami (orphan_account)



Category: Sengoku Basara
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-07-18 03:26:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7297591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Marta_Ayanami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Okaerinasai, did the sword say, in the language of shadows that only two of the people present could possibly understand, in their hearts of hearts, and the third person would understand because they would translate it for him, for He was the Light to their Shadows.</p><p>_______</p><p>Genpuku - suddenly it was strange that even he, Sakichi, would have one. He never thought he would live to see such a day, after all.</p><p>And he wouldn't have. But for Them.</p><p>__</p><p>TBC in: Chapter Four: The Tea // Words Don't Come Easily</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dream - Memory - Shadow (Okaeri)

**Prologue - Dream's Memory, or Before There Ever Was Light, there Were Shadows: Cozy, but Unhelful to Survival**

 

_Photosynthesis is a process used by plants and other organisms to convert light energy, normally from the Sun, into chemical energy that can be later released to fuel the organisms' activities. **  
**_

 

Sakichi stirred in his sleep. Gyobu chuckled. Even at thirteen, this boy, when he slept - rarely so, rarely so - slept like a newborn baby. The wise man and their Lord summoned the boy, but Gyobu thought they would excuse a moment of tardiness on his part, as this child of misfortune slept ever so rarely.

Even so, Yoshitsugu wondered since when did he feel so merciful. Why should he, again, allowe the boy's his sleep? This boy, who had more life before him then he could ever hope for?

Did this peaceful face, in which traces of misfortune could still be see, for they were etched there, somehow influence him? No, that was impossible. And so, he would wake a boy - when his nice dream ends, for he had a feeling that the boy was dreaming quite nicely, indeed.

 

***

 

_Sakichi wasn't surpised at how solid the sword given to him by the large hand was, that was to be expected. Strength, power, might, solidity._

_No, it was the other thing that shook him to the very core._

_Sakichi rarely listened to his own shadow anyway - the shadow could only tease, and offer unhelpful help, and platitudes, and empty encouragament, and empty promises ' ** ~~I'll kill them all for you, darling, I'll kill them all for you~~** " for that was all that Sakichi's Shadow knew, but Sakichi's Shadow never delivered on his empty promises, never once, and so, Sakichi came to loathe the Shadow, nice and protective and familial as it was._

_But right now, after years of not listening, Sakichi listened to his own Shadow now, for the Shadow relayed the Sword's words, and Sakichi wanted to hear what the sword - such a warm Sword - had to say, but couldn't quite hear. But oh, the Shadow could hear, and so, Sakichi begged ' ** ~~please, sorry for not talking to you for a year, Shadow, so please~~** ' in his heart of hearts, and so, in his heart of hearts..._

_Sakichi's Shadow relayed the message that the solid, powerful, and so pleasantly warm Sword conveyed in the language that was close enough to Shadow language to be understood, even though the understanding would not be mutual._

_One single one, one single message, with the Shadow's translation..._

_Oh, how kind this Sword was, and so, suddenly, there were tears in Sakichi's eyes, for he understood, that the Sword spoke not for Swordself, but relayed the man with he huge hand's message of... message of..._

_~~**Welcome home., the shadow repeated, for that was the message. Welcome home.** ~~ _

_And so, he felt so light, so light and warm, while killing those worthless villagers.  
_

_Welcomed. He was welcomed, he knew, with every drop of blood, and he tried to be quick about it, for the man with a huge hand was awaiting, and so was his angelic companion, born of the Shadow like Sakichi (Sakichi didn't know that till the Shadow told him a few days later, but then, he was not surprised)._

______

 

"Gyobu? Why... why are you watching me sleep?!" How embarassing. How humiliating. He thought his friend knew better than to---!! Humiliate him like this???!!! To be caught in such weakness--- how dare Gyobu, how dare---

"Sakichi, you've been summoned. By the wise man and--- ah, youthfull impatience. Good, or he would run even faster, and then stink quite profusely."

 

Though the question is whether it was possible for a human preteen to run faster than Sakichi was speeding  right now, Toyotomi soldiers quickly getting out of the way of the devil child as they knew him, because they knew that this accursed child would not stop for anyone who wasn't Lord Hideyoshi or Lord Hanbei, when he ran like this.

What they could not hear, or only few of them, for only few were of Shadow, was the sound that Sakichi's Shadow made, with every quick step, the single answer, the single despaired hope:

~~**_I'm home! I'm home! I'm home!_ ** ~~

Mitsunari wasn't listening to his own Shadow, however, for he stopped listening to it when his own Shadow told him an awful, vile lie about Hanbei-sama's Shadow, that Mitsunari's Shadow supposedly heard from Hanbei-sama's Shadow himself, about Hanbei-sama's life and how it was currently crumbling into small pieces, ever so slowly, and so was Hanbei-sama's Shadow.

But that was a lie, Mitsunari reapeated to himself everyday, that was Shadow's lie.

For Mitunari was home, and nothing bad happened in Mitsunari's home.


	2. Dim Candlelight and the Sun

**Chapter 1**

**Dim Candlelight and the Sun  
**

 

Running as quickly as he could, as fast as he could, even entering and traversing shadows sometimes, in his hurry, he had somehow gotten slightly dizzy. And many a time he had to order his own eyes to stay open, until finally, for a second or two, he could not, no matter how much he tried.

Maybe, just maybe, with Shadow's help, he would be able to keep his unruly eyes open, but that had been forbidden, for the reasons he had no right to try to understand, and so---

No, he couldn't, he couldn't, wouldn't, fall asleep right now, not when Hanbei-sama was waiting, for to disappoint Hanbei-sama, Hideyoshi-sama's right hand, would be, would be, would be... would hurt Mitsunari more than a hundred stab wounds, and more than hanging on that tree for three whole days, and more than---

No, don't sleep, don't sleep, not when Hanbei-sama summons, don't sleep, don't sleep, don't sleep---!!!

 

_**~~Shhhhhh, shhhhhh, I asked His Shadow (still crumbling, I'm no Liar, boy), sleeping right now is allowed, just not for too long of a time, shhhhhhhhhhhhhhshhhhhhshhhhhhh, sleep, sleep, sleep.~~ ** _

 

~~_**So sleep. Only enough for this body of yours to live, but sleep right now, half an hour or so. Will wake you up the, I promise, boy. Adult boy.  
** _ ~~

~~_**I know not your name, yet, now, adult boy. It's bye bye to Sakichi, now. he he buahahaha** _ ~~

 

_When Sakichi opened his eyes next, he was on... a ship? A small girl in a shrine maiden clothing was poking his shadow, and that itched.  
_

_"Go away! This is my dream! Go away!" The small girl shouted. To him? To his shadow? But what was the point of talking to shadows? Sakichi knew that shadows couldn't speak, for Hanbei-sama told him so, and Hanbei-sama's word was sacred, as Hanbei-sama was Hideyoshi-sama's right arm._

_"Are you... talking to Sakichi, shrine girl?" Sakichi asked, forgetting that he was no longer speaking about himself in the third person, forgetting that he hasn't talked about himself like that for a year, now._

_"Oh, you're awake." The small, inconsequential girl smiled happily. "I was telling your Shadow off. Bad shadow, bad shadow. Snuck into a pure maiden dream!"_

_"Maiden?" Sakichi asked, looking around, trying to find said Maiden. If she was very important, then should he bow? Could women be that important, anyway?_

_The inconsequential girl who acted, Sakichi thought, as if the boat - no, the ship - belonged to her... she pointed at herself._

_She was... a Maiden?_

_Well. That was fine with him, he would call her a Maiden, if she only told him how to get back to the Light, to Hideyoshi-sama's precious, dazzling, warm light._

_Ah, no, he was supposed to meet Hanbei-sama's Shadow right now, that was fine, too..._

_"Sakichi needs to go, small maiden," he uttered, voice full of conviction, "for the greates Light and the greatest Shadow summoned Sakichi, now!"_

_"What an impatient... I didn't even invite you here! Your stupid shadow broke in, look!"_

_Sakichi looked. There was a patch of ice on the floor around the small shrine maiden, and around this Ice, Sakichi's old friend, Shadow (who didn't exist, Sakichi reminded himself, Hanbei-sama's word) coiled itself, seeking food._

_Sakichi sighed. Stupid Shadow, did he forget, again, that he could only thrive around the greatest Light there ever was?_

_For Hideyoshi-sama's Light was certainly brighter than the lights of gods, if gods, other then the Lord Hideyoshi, even existed._

_"I apologise. For my shadow."_

_"Fine! Now go away, so I can dream my pure maiden dreams again. And divine again! Shoo, shoo!" The small girl waved, as if Sakichi was some irritating fly, and Sakichi grew slightly angry, which coupled of frustration of being separated from the radience of Lord Hideyoshi, really soured his mood._

_"Away how?"_

_"Through my Ice, just like you came here," the girl - ** ~~Tsuruhime, if you're curious, notanymoreSakichi -~~ \- ** whispered, as if she didn't want too many people to overhear such information, but at the same time, really wanted **~~Mitsunari~~ ~~, I've just learned~~ ** to go away._

_This made plenty of sense, for this was the girl's dream, and she was born of Ice, and so, Sakichi - Mitsunari - stepped through the eyes.  
_

_But... when he came through the eyes, he wasn't standing just outside Hanbei-sama's chambers. No, he wasn't. At all. He was standing in an unknown place, in the field of grass._

_He thought to perhaps ask the Shadow why, but remembered that the Shadow didn't exist, since Hanbei-sama and Hideyoshi-sama said so. And so, it wouldn't be right to ask the Shadow._

_The Shadow growled, but it didn't exist, so Mitsunari dutifully ignored it._

_Now, where was he?_

_He couldn't stay here for long. He was starving. He needed to see Hideyoshi-sama, or else he would starve._

_But suddenly, the pang of hunger lessened, if only slightly._

_He looked up, to check if it was because of the sun. The sun was shining brightly, so, maybe...?_

_But then, there was an unknown presence behind Sa---Mitsunari, and he turned quickly, drawing his sword, blessed by Hideyoshi-sama, from the Shadow - for he was in a dream, and so, he knew he cold draw the Light-Blessed Sword from his own Shadow even though he didn't have it on him when falling asleep (how could he have made such a mistake?) and_

_And he was going to attack the stranger, the... boy...? One he never met before._

_But suddenly, the Shadow growled. Naturally, Sakichi ignored that, since the Shadow didn't exist, but still, it made him take a closer look at the boy._

_"H-have you seen Tadakatsu?" the boy asked._

_Sakichi shook his head, slowly lowering his Sword. "I know nothing of any Tadakatsu. If he's not of the Toyotomi, then he's immaterial and worthless."_

_"O-oh. But he's... he's my best friend. So please, don't say such things. It's not... it's not---"_

_"Shut up! I'm lost, and you're talking and talking and talking and talking and talking, so shut up!!"_

_"I'm sorry. I didn't know you were lost. I'm lost, too. Tadakatsu isn't here right now, so I'm l--"_

_"Shut up shut up shut up  shut up ** ~~!Shut up shut up shut up  shut up!!!!!!!"~~**_

_The 'Tadatsu this, Tadatsu that' boy grew silent, mercifully. At least he was obedient. Maybe he could yet get drafted to the Toyotomi.  
_

_Mitsu---Sakichi ran then, ran in all the random directions, trying to find Hideyoshi-sama and Hanbei-sama, but they just didn't seem to be in this field, and the field itself seemed endless._

_Finally, he felt more and more cold._

**~~_That one. Dim, small, inadequate. But you won't starve, for now, if you go to him. Small, dim, worthless Light - a Light, nevertheless._ ~~ **

~~~~_The field was endless because it was a dream.  
_

_The shadow's advice was worthless, for the Shadow didn't exist, since Hanbei-sama and Hideyoshi-sama said so._

~~**_ha ha ha ha have you asked your friend Yoshitsugu ha ha he he try asking him about me, about his, about Hanbei's uahahahahaha_ ** ~~

~~**_but shoo, shoo, go to the candlelight boy_ ** ~~

 

_Shadows were immaterials, Mitsunari knew, and so, it was through a sheer coincidence that he met the dimLighted boy again, in the centre of the field.  
_

_"What? You didn't make even a single step? Weren't you searching for someone? Weakling!"  
_

_How frustrating. How could someone born of Light - the sacred Light, just like the Lord - be so, so, so maddeningly weak?! He should kill him now, for that alone!_

_"I'm searching. The best way is to stay in one place: so Tadaktsu will have esier time finding me. If I move to much, I'll miss him again and again. And then I'll be tired and sit here and wait for Tadakatsu, anyway. But because Tadakatsu is Tadakatsu, if I don't move, he'll feel me and find me in half a second! This is a dream - and I always dream Tadakatsu here! Nice dreaming you here, too!!" The boy beamed._

_Dim. But slightly warming, anyway. Sakichi felt slightly less cold - less hungry. Maybe he wouldn't completely starve in this field, after all._

_"O-oh?" The boy stood up and was looking at Sakichi strangely, and only then did Mitsunari notice that he was grabbing the boy's hand and trying to put them on his own hand in order to warm up slightly._

_And so, he immediately let go of the barely warm hands, throwing the boy a look of utter contempt and disgust._

_And then Sakichi realised - all he had to do was to look at the Sun up there over the endless field, and open his own eyes._

____________________

 

His eyes snapped open. And he stood up, dusted himself off slightly because the grass field couldn't be too clean, certainly, and who knew whether the dimLighted boy's hands were clean, anyway - pfeh - so, he needed to do so. And he ran into the room, barely avoiding falling over Hanbei-sama's legs, as Hanbei-sama was sitting there.

Fortunately, Hanbei-sama didn't seem offended, as he only laughed. And... ah... that's why Sakichi wasn't feeling cold anymore! Since Hideyoshi-sama was in the room, too.

Ah, yes, that was one and only true Light, strong, powerful, hotter than the Sun, not some pitiful small thing.

Sakichi couldn't help crying, suddenly, because the comparison reminded him just how blessed he was to remain in Hideyoshi-sama's awe-ispiring and life-saving and world-shaking radiant, brilliant presence. There was nothing dim and nothing small and nothing unrealised to its full potential in Hideyoshi-sama.

"Sakichi-kun, has Gyobu already told you why Hideyoshi summoned you here? Tomorrow is a very important day for you, and I'll help you prepare for it."

 

 


	3. Interlude - Shadows Do Not Exist, Both His Lords Said So

**Interlude**

**Shadows Do Not Exist, Both His Lords Said So**

 

 _ ** ~~Mits~~**_ \---- Sakichichi frowned, upon seeing how pale Lord Hanbei, sitting on a futon, was right now. Lord Hanbei said something else, smiling, but _~~**Mitsunari**~~_ unlike Sakichi wasn't hearing Hanbei-sama right now, too focused on hearing Hanbei's Shadow instead, the Shadow that felt ill enough that nowadays Hanbei himself surely couldn't hear him. Maybe it's been years since he could hear him - his own Shadow, that is. That's what Mitsunari's Shadow said, at least. ~~~~

_~~**Thank you, Mitsunari-kun. For a week ago. Now I've realised a few days ago that back then, you weren't dear Hideyoshi, but I'm not angry, because somehow I didn't die thinking you were - only almost died. Thanks to you. But next time, if I die - be yourself, or I might get a little angry for such deceit. Alright, Mitsunari-kun?** ~~ _

 

_~~**Geh, you sure do think to highly of yourself,**~~ Mitsunari's shadow answered before Sakichi could intervene. **~~I was only being a messenger. Do you blame papers for not being people's moths? This was the very same thing, moron. The pretense of light revived you where pure shadows would not, will not. And someday, pretense will not be enough, so I would recommend the real deal - daily. Thereotically, hourly and maybe you could live to fourty five... though I doubt that.~~**  
_

 

_**~~Ah, so I see. So that's what that kiss was. Good, I'd have to tell myself to reprimend you otherwise, though, whether I heard myself, 's another matter entirely...~~ ** _

This was the last time Sakichi ever heard Hanbei-sama's Shadow voice anything, say anything, as afterwards, Hanbei-sama's Shadow was too busy fighting in battles and trying not too fall apart without Hanbei-sama's permission, even with Hanbei's lack of acknowledgment or belief that the Shadow _was._ And so, then, Mitsunari never heard Hanbei's Shadow, which upset him for months, long after he stopped believing that Shadows _were_ and made him feel so much concern - unfounded concern, he later thought - for Lord Hanbei, that his heart almost ached every time he looked at him. But that happened years later. And those years later, Mitsunari Ishida, while not hearing the Shadow call him a fool who should read a dictionary, just thought that such a feeling was called loyalty.

 

"Sakichi-kun?"

"Y-yes, Hanbei-sama! I-it's fine, I was only being a... uhm... uhm..."

"Sakichi-kun, you weren't listening to me at all. Again."

Meanwhild, Lord Hideyoshi just smiled slightly, letting his two arms talk with each other to their hearts' contents.

"B-but, but, you said, Hanbei-sama, you said--- uhm..."

"See? You haven't listened." Hanbei-sama uttered sternly. "Focus. Tomorrow - if you begin to listen, at last - you are going to become an adult member of the Toyotomi.

Sakichi's face lit up, and so happy did he feel, so glad, so honoured, that he wasn't able to hear his own Shadow for the next fortnight.

Nor any other shadow. Which is why it may be a bit of luck that such a thing didn't happen five days ago, as otherwise, on a distant battlefield, Takenaka Hanbei might have choked on his own blood and died, unattended.

_______

 

Only one medic knew that five days ago, Takenaka-dono almost died - was an inch from death.

But even that medic knew not how it was that Hanbei Takenaka, suddenly, out of blue, appeared, temporarily not breathing and barely alive till medic saw to that, while medic's shadow disappeared, for whole few hours, which was strange.

And the silver-haired boy who appeared together with Takenaka-dono, wiping his own mouth and blushing furiously, was that Sakichi Ishida? And the boy ran away instantly, panting, muttering something incomprehensible.

Perhaps some questions were better left unasked.

 

__________

"G-genpuku?? F-for me??? H-Hideyoshi-sama, H-Hanbei-sama, please, I beg you, allow me to thank you!! I've never... I've never done anything to deserve such an honour!!"

"That may be true, but loyal as you are, you may yet do great things for this land's future."

 


	4. Mirror, Mirror

**Chapter 2**

**Mirror, Mirror on the Wall**

~~_****************** "If only I had a child as white as snow, as red as blood, and as black as the wood in this frame." ****************************_ ~~

_Now, wasn't that a good wish?  
_

_So selfish, the Queen Was. For when she died, the Daughter could still make King's meals for the Mighty King. And get rid of the dust and rats before his feet. And be pleasing to His eye._

_For it is everywhere acknowledged and well known that every king needs a wife, and this one's wife was getting paler and thinner every day, her breaths drawing sharp.  
_

 

**~~_************_ ~~ **

 

_Sakichi woke up the very next day kissing his own fingertips. Not in passion - far from passion of any kind. Not in pleasure, and not in curiosity, and not in bliss. It was in reverance._

_But why would he revere his own fingertips? He flushed, redfaced, embarassed, shamed._

_He had to... he had to go apologise. For being weird. To the mighty Lord? Should he apologise to him? Or to the wise Lord?_

_Sakichi was a small boy - of small and thin built, that is, such that he maaaaybe would be thin even without malnutrition, though he knew that not - of ten, or nine, or six for all that he knew, winters in this cruel, filthy, disgusting world._

_He knew no. And he knew no other world save for what suddenly he knew yesterday._

_Sakichi not blinked as he was afraid._

_Deathly scared._

_Shivering from said fright._

_Dealthy scared for the dream to disperse._

_For it was impossible._

_Lord Hideyoshi was impossible._

_Lord Hanbei was impossible._

_However, there was a small comfort, a small hope..._

_Lord Hideyoshi was just too big. Too bright. Too real. If Sakichi mind made him, Sakichi mind would explode, or stop working, for surely all things of mind would have to work together to make the visage or Hideyoshi-sama, of impossible Hideyoshi-sama, for just one half of one second!!!_

**~~That's why Sakichi barely looked Sakichi afraid Hideyosh no real Sakchi afraid, Coward, Coward, Coward, Coward, buahahahhahahhaha what Sakichi do if Hideyoshi were to disappear? Coward Sakichi, coward Sakichi, Weak demon Sakichi, do you know why what villagers say a lie and no true cause Sakichi no demon cause Sakichi too weak too demon buauahahahhahhahhahahhahhahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahhahahhahhahahhaha ahhahahhahah ahhahahah!!!!!~~ **

~~~~ _Jumping up and quickly beginning to dress himself, Sakichi, he... he still took a second to show his Shadow a stink-eye._

_It was maybe worthless._

_But oh how not completely disgusting it make Sakichi feel, just to show Shadow stink-eye. Bueeeh!!! Aha-ha ** ~~-ha-h~~** eh-ha! There!!_

 

_"Boy, what are you laughing at? Did you have a nice dream?"  
_

_H-H-H-Hanbei-sama! Still real from yesterday H----H----H--H--H..--Hanbei-sama!! He existed!!!_

_Did even H---H---H--Hideyoshi-sama exist even...e-even..too??????!!!_

_"H-Hideyoshi-sama...is...real??!!!" Sakichi exclaimed, without thinking._

_Oh no._

_Oh, no._

_Now._

_What._

_Beating? Cutting? Hanging?_

_For such a profanity... for such a blashemy...._

_he knew no Hanbei-sama. and so, he knew no, how Hanbei-sama would punish Sakichi._

_Sakichi had no knowledge of that._

_And certainly it shew on his face, he knew, he knew._

_For he sure he knew sweating an pale in fear._

_But maybe good._

_He would learn punishments. what punishments are here._

_Ah, the ground so close._

_Because Sakichi again squatting down_ **~~coward what a cowardly~~ ** **~~demon ahahhahahhaaaaaahahahahha~~ ** _in fright_ ~~**afraid of a dying ill man bauahhahahhahhahhahhaha good one good one toooooooo funny aahhhhhhhhhhhhhahah haah hahhhah hhahah hah hahah a say more jokes, sakichi, I never tire for them , guuauahahhhhhhhhhhhhahah afraid of one measly crumbling Shadow who 'm sure in ten years will crumble into pieces smaller than your nails oaaaaaahhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahhahhahhahahah buahahhahaha tooooooooo funnny!!!!! ooooohhhhhh knew you were funny and you'll be funnier here  hahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahhahhaha buahahhahhah hahhahhahaaaahah --- ahhh. Shut up. Not talking to you, crumbling Guy.** ~~

~~**Tch.** ~~

~~**Ph. Tch. Yes, yes , I shut up, cool your horse. Tchchhc. He---- Tch.** ~~

~~**can't wait till you crumble, you boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooore. Tch.** ~~

_Sakichi no heard what other Shadow say, no to Sakichi ears, only to Sakichi Shadow ears. But he glanced at other Shadow, Hanbei-sama Shadow, and bowed deeply in deep gratitude._

_It was apparent, Sakichi thought, that Hanbe-sama thought the bow was for him._

_Oh... How to explain such a misunderstanding without disrespect, Sakichi now wonder._

_"Hideyoshi-sama is real, Sakichi-kun," Hanbei-sama said suddenly and Sakichi wonder why before_

_-ah_

_preShadow conversation!_

_Oh, that right._

_Sakichi blushed, even more embarassed now._

_Let punishment come. If he beaten, if he cut, if he starved, if he hanged, then at least Sakichi no longer falling down and down and down and down own shame. Big shame._

_Hanbei-sama leaned down and Sakichi took deep breath and steeled himself, ready for what may come. Ready for village discipline, village punishment. For did he not suggest just now awful thing? That yesterday not real, that Hideyoshi-sama not real? Surely Hanbei-sama had to ised offended at that. Surely much. And heavy. And so, a-ready punishment, yes, ready for it muchly and heavy, Sakichi closeded his own eyes and steeled himself. Feel nothing, think nothing, see nothing, hear nothing, wait until it passes, then check if you're still alive in this filthy world. Sakichi prouded himself on being master of punishment taking. For what else was a demon good for?_

_What he felt nex was no hit, no cut, no hanging. A gentle breeze in his ear was all he felt, and then, he heard, right in his own ear, a quiet birdsong, he'd think, but whyever would he understand a birdsong???? In the first place?????_

_"I know. Isn't he marvellous? You needn't believe he's a human being, if that's too difficult for you, little boy. Only think him god and all will be made clear."_

_Sakichi opened his eyes slowly._

_"H-Hanbei-sama???"_

_Hanbei-sama stood up, smiling. "The breakfest is ready. Yoshitsugu will show you the way, Sakichi-kun. Come join us when you're ready to believe that our Lord exists without your knees giving out quite so quickly, if you please. Your Lord, Hideyoshi, will be waiting."_

_With that, Hanbei-sama, who was, by some miracle, real, left through the doors, like a real person, not even growing wings and flying away or anything of the like._

_Amazing._

_It was simply amazing._

_But the birdsong.... was it.... Hanbei-sama talking???!!! Yes, it was, now Sakichi realises, and again falling in slight embarassment, for confusing an Angel with a bird._

_Would Hanbei-sama forgive that?????_

_____________

"Hideyoshi-sama, Hanbei-sama! Uhm, uhm..."

He kneeled. He was thirteen years old, since yesterday, and he was no child anymore. No, Sakichi was no longer a child. Why, then, did the memory come _**~~so suddenly you ask? I am only telling you to cherish your time with my Friend, for it won't be long since Friend crumbles, I do see, child.~~**_ ** ~~_Friend sees it, too. Friend wants to rest but that Lord Hanbei of yours is merciless to Friend. Utterly merciless. Aahhh, he's more merciless to Friend than any demons, which is funny since without Friend, he'll be dead body. But he knows that, too. That Lord of yours. That is exactly why he's merciless. No time, no mercy, ha ha. So I pity Friend._~~** to him, he had no idea. No idea at all.

Strange, that. Too strange.

"Sakichi. It is time."

"T-time, Hideyoshi-sama?"

"To present you with this."

"Th... this is for Sa----Sakichi?!"

Shame. again. Let him correct himself, for he felt such shame before his both Lords, looking at him, right now.

He bowed deeper. He considered a dogeza, but then threw such thoughts away. No, not without being asked to. Or it's an insult to the honour. Hanbei-sama taught him so, taught him well. Dogeza.... only if Hideyoshi-sama ever demands.

Never at own whim, Sakichi-kun. Never. Never. _Your life is Hideyoshi's, and so, you must have honour. Do you understand?_

Sakichi did his best, for years now, to understand, though he felt, keenly, how ignorant he still was, and how unworthy and would people laugh if they saw what an unworthy life Hideyoshi-sama chose as his blade??? Would his life, a crude life, dishonour Hideyoshi-sama??? He'd rather cut his own throat this very instant!!! He would!!!!

Hideyoshi-sama nodded and Sakichi looked again at the gift.

It was too much.

It was simply too much.

He, as soon as permitted, too the gracious, benevolent, most amazing gift and as soon as permitted excused himself.

And in his own room, he dressed himself in this amazing, benevolent, gracious gift.

He.... ~~ _ **was crying now. Oh, you brat.**_~~ couldn't believe how light it was, how light it made his whole heart and soul feel, and how soft. And he couldn't believe that he, Sakichi, deserved to dress himself in something that Hanbei-sama - Lord Hideyoshi's closest, Hanbei-sama - chose, with his own hands, at that!!

It was too large of an honour. It should be heave on his soul, and so, why, why, why he was sure, somehow, that if he looked in the mirror again - though he dared not - he would, see, on his own backs, borrowed wings?

He didn't want to see them. He was going to give them back to beloved Hanbei-sama, as soon as possible, for birds couldn't fly wingless. He knew that. He learned that. For in his time, he cut many wings.

How could the most beautiful bird of prey, akin to angels of highest Kami - no, he was one, to the highest Kami - fly without such beautiful, feathery white-red wings?

**_~~Haaaaah. Just say 'thank you'. Damned poet monk.~~ _ **

Throwing the surreptious glance at the reflection in his mirror, given to him by Hanbei-sama a year ago _Dear, you always leave blood on your face. That's impolite._ he saw no wings. He sighed with relief, so he already gave them back - besides, it was all just a trick of light, anyway. N-not that Light ever did any tricks, of course!!

Shame. His face, flushing again...

He turned away from the mirror reflection, looking sideways and not downwards. For if he looked downwards, he would have seen---

 

______

 

~~_**Tell you what, Friend, you do it again and I'll become allergic to feathers.** _ ~~

~~_**They're already to heavy.** _ ~~

~~_**Then go ahead and die, if you're too heavy, for all I care, Friend. Tch.** _ ~~

~~_**I want to. 'I' won't let me.** _ ~~

~~_**But he knows?** _ ~~

~~_**He hears me nt. Closed his ears to me, on purpose.** _ ~~

~~_**But he knows?** _ ~~

~~_**He knows. Because he knows, he denies. For that damned Light. He'll wring every second, and when death comes, he'll play Go with it to buy time. For he---** _ ~~

~~_**I'm sorry. Can I kill you? You know I can help. Count on me, Friend! I can make you stop crumbling now, just cease. Let's do it?** _ ~~

~~_**I'll try. But it'll take a loooooooooooong time to convince 'I'. And your boy would crumble.** _ ~~

~~_**Ah, that's fine, that's fine. The boy 'I' is mallable. He broke soooo many times, I alwys pieced him together, it's adorable. It's fine, no point in worrying about 'I'. 'I' and me could kill yous million times and I would stitch 'I' totether from pieces any time, what's the problem? Unlike us, humans are sooooooo mallable. It's cute. Actually pretty adorable.** _ ~~

~~_**I'll try. For I tire of agony of slow crumbling, and I can't even make 'I' take a whip to my neck. So damned stubborn. So damned---** _ ~~

~~_**Ooooooooooh, it's pride I hear. Proud Shadowy, Proud Shadowy!!!! Buuahhahahhhhhhhhhhhhhahhahaaaaaaaaaaaahahahhahahhahahahahah---** _ ~~

~~_**Shut up!** _ ~~

~~_**Your 'I' would never use such crude, cruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude, cruuuuu---** _ ~~

~~_**Shut up!! In the name of Hide--- damned, this is contagious. I'm doomed.** _ ~~

~~_**I'm so, so, so, so, so sorry.** _ ~~

~~_**You. Are. Not.** _ ~~

~~_**Bingo, Friend! Now kiss me.** _ ~~

~~_**Contagious.** _ ~~

~~_**Naaaah. Not without bodies, and bodies need not know. Your 'I' need not know.** _ ~~

~~_**Hmmm, I say..** _ ~~

~~_**You say?** _ ~~

~~_**'Bingo, Friend.'** _ ~~

**_~~They won't notice a thing. Apart from a weird emotion or two, Friend.~~ _ **


	5. Interlude: Kanbei Was Unworthy. Of that, Sa---Mitsunari Had No Doubt. No Bird of Prey He, No Wolf, to Waste the Time in Sunlights

**Interlude**

**Kanbei Was Unworthy. Of that, Sa---Mitsunari Had No Doubt. No Bird of Prey He, No Wolf, to Waste the Time in Sunlights**

 

*** 

_Człowiek strzela, Pan Bóg kule nosi._

*** 

 

Sakichi - no, Mitsunari - held no loathing for this new addition, strange as it was, the one called "Kanbe". He held no loathing for him, as neither Hideyoshi-sama nor Hanbei-sama disliked Kanbei. And so, neither could Mitsunari, it **~~_was that simple._~~** Truly so.

But he wasn't obliged to like him, was he? Surely he wasn't. He would like him if Hideyoshi-sama ever ordered him to do so, but for now, he did not, and so, Sakichi was free in his lack of affection for Kanbei. That scruffy, rough teenager, just a year or two or three older than Sa---Mitsunari himself, but so much more uncouth, in Mitsunari's opinion!

No, Kanbei wasn't worthy of Lord Hideyoshi's Light, certainly, but -- it was obvious that he would be worthy of it someday, for Lord Hanbei said so, and that truly frustrated Mitsunari. Made him feel insignificant, immaterial - for what would happen if someday, Kanbe would be worthier than Sakichi himself?

"I asked you a question, birthday boy, but I think you heard nothing."

An amused smile. Or a smirk. He wasn't sure.

The Devil King's wife - what could be certain about her? She was, for him, a being from another planet, an alien being that Sa---Mitsunari could not understand and did not care to understand.

"Just this once, I'll repeat it. You would, I can see, gladly become your Lord's gun if he ever used guns. But would you become his bullet if that was necessary?"

"Bullet?"

She smirked, and looked him straight into the eyes.

"Made of steel, cold and alone, far from your Lord and Master, and you would never see him again. You'd never feel his touch again. You'd stay forever in a body of some vile enemy of his. So, boy: would you do it? This is just a little game of questions, nothing true. Nothing significant. Just picture this, if you would, because I'm bored here."

She made an almost a shrug, reclining back, and then taking a sip of her tea, elegantly. Meanwhile, Mitsunari did as he was told: he pictured the image.

Right after picturing it, he clenched his teeth, because otherwise, he'd have to scream, shriek, shout loudly. And closed his eyes, for otherwise, Gyobu, Hanbei-sama, and that toddler Ranmaru would see his blood-red tears. For he pictured it. He pictured it.

"And so, the answer is no, I see. Thanks for indulging my little game born of boredom." Nouhime said, with a little laugh.

"Y-yes."

"Hmm?"

"Y-yes," Mitsunari repeated, shaking, biting his own lip, sweating profusely, and forcing himself to speak, for he was only saying the truth, wasn't he? Hopefully. Was truth always as heavy as if a castle suddenly stood on his head, on his shoulders, and on his very heart? Was truth always this heavy, this crushing? "Y-yes. I- would - gladly - be - Lord - Hideyoshi's - bullet - to - be fired -at some most - vile enemy of his!!!"

Lady Nouhime looked at him then, with a look then he couldn't quite interpret, and then said something he couldn't quite understand, either. For what was the purpose of such question?

"And who's your teacher, child?"

He couldn't quite understand her question, teacher of what? Various members of the Toyotomi taught Sakichi various things, after all. Everything he needed to learn in order to be of use to Hideyoshi-sama. And so, not quite understanding her question, this strange woman's question, Sakichi looked pleadingly at Hanbei-sama nearby, as if for guidance, slightly ashamed of himself for needing it right now.

The strangest thing was, for Saki--Mitsunari, the strangest was this: that devil lady just nodded curtly, as if her question was answered with a twenty pages essay, and looked slightly bored, and now turned her attention to Kanbe instead.

 _Good._ Maybe Kanbe would have a breakdown or something, under her pressure, S--Mitsunari thought, almost happily. _Good._

_*****_

~~**_Somehow, I remembered her question. Today, on a colder night. On a freezing night. No wonder. Did she know: why bullets kill long after swords do? Because, to fire one, and then, when it reaches, the one who shot does no longer need to---_ ** ~~


	6. Chapter 3: His Light Was Slightly Stronger, Now// Your Soiled Palm (draft. Seriously, this is such a draft, will edit. But I don't want to post it to drafts, not sure how I move it later.))

**Chapter 3**

**His Light Was Slightly Stronger, Now// Your Soiled Palm**

 

The breeze was what first made the boy realise he was in the field of grass again, and woke him up. It was only a slight breeze, and one that quickly went away, shyly, leaving the air sterile again. It only came here for a moment because... because of the small Sun in the sky, perhaps? And then went away upon meeting a darkness on the ground, apparently not interested.

Because it was a stranger. Just lost here, for a moment, and would its master frown on such clandestine walks in far away places? Or wouldn't they care?

Because it was the boy's. His Shadow, of his Darkness. Scared it away, apparently. But that was fine, because---

**TADAKATSU!!!!!! TADAKATSU!!!!!! TADAKATSU!!!!!!**

~~_ **Ugh. If you can do me a favour, my brat, could you plug your ears? How about right now????** _ ~~

~~_ **Shut up! I will only plug them if** _ **I _want to!!_   _Because I'm Mitsunari now, not Sakichi! So!_  
** ~~

~~ **_Your point being...?_ ** ~~

**TADAKATSU!! TADAKATSU, IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, PLEASE ANSWER!!! TADAKATS---  
**

"Oh."

The other boy appeared suddenly, just suddenly materialising from the rays of this small sunLight that was shining around. Giving the place they were in - which Sakichi had begun to understand already, if only a little - that wasn't surprising at all.

"You're not Tadakatsu. You're... you! The one from dark stuff! The "you coward, blah blah, you weakling, blah blah" one. Am I right? Hey?"

With a stupid grin on his face.

"How astute," Mitsunari grumbled, turning away from the other boy.

"Hey, why are you always in such a hurry? I can't find Tadakatsu, and I'm really worried. Maybe you could help!"

"Why?"

"Because..." the other boy hesited, his brows and nose now wrinkling as if in hard thought. "Because Tadakatsu is my best friend!"

"And?"

 _Why_ **_~~should you even  
~~_**

**_~~why should I even  
~~ _ **

**_~~care~~ _ **

**_~~even care?~~ _ **

"And... and if you help me find him, I'll be your friend. Forever!"

**~~_I don't believe him._ ~~ **

**~~_Who cares? Sounds neat, take him on that, brat, the other brat's Light's quite fine, I want it! Take the deal, take the deal._ ~~ **

**~~_I still don't believe him. Why should I? Why should I care?_ ~~ **

"I still don't believe you. Why should I even care, about some Tadakatsu of yours? If you've lost a pet, whistle for it. If it doesn't come, then it was never yours. So: I won't help you."

"Oh, you've misunderstood. Tadakatsu's no pet! He's a person, like you are! I think I've lost him... or I've gotten lost?"

"Not my problem."

And he willed himself to go away. But, when his eyes opened, he was still in the field of grass. Another part of it. And so, he didn't go away after all. At least the 'Tadakatsu this, Tadakatsu that' brat wasn't here anymo--

"You know, I don't understand, but I'm starting to. Maybe?"

~~_**Spoken too fast, brat.** _ ~~

~~_**Dammit! I want to go back to my Lord Hideyoshi - now!** _ ~~

~~~~"You understand ~~ ** _nothing._**~~ I want to go back to my Lord, now!"

Such arrogance, to think he could understand. Who was this boy, anyway? It was only the second time, but he was already infuriating. Or maybe...

~~_**Speak for yourself, brat, to me he's a sheer amusement and nourishment. Meet him while awake someday, it'll be great!** _ ~~

"Oooh. So like I thought: you **ARE IN A HURRY, AND NOW I KNOW WHY.** I'm glad! So you're not being mean, you just can't stay. Because your Lord awaits."

"Because it's my genpuku! Maybe I've only fallen asleep for half a second, but that's still unforgivable!"

Smile.

"I think he'll forgive you, if he's **YOUR** Lord. You don't look like somebody who would serve... hmmm... Lord Nobunaga, or... I don't know?"

What? How could somebody look at him and not know? How could somebody look at Mitsunari and _not know at all????_

_~~**How... how can somebody look at me and not know that I serve Hideyoshi-sama?? Isn't it--- isn't it apparent yet??  
** ~~ _

_~~**'s not apparent if somebody doesn't know you, brat. Write it on your forehead for all I care. 'This brat is Hideyoshi's dog', you may as well write that down on your forehead. Hah! he he.** ~~ _

_~~**It's not apparent... if so... what am I doing wrong??? I-- I know, I should announce it, with first breath, to anybody I meet, before saying any immaterial stuff such as 'greeting' or 'you're a moron'!!!** ~~ _

_~~**Theeere you go, do as you like. Pffff hhhaaaaahahahahahahahaahahahhahaha!! I do admit, his is quite nourishing, that Hideyoshi's, but that's not enough reason to obse---** ~~ _

_~~**Shut up!!** ~~ _

"My name is S--Mitsunari--"

"Hm? Why did you interrupt yourself?"

"Because! It must be said--- properly!! Now listen, here!!"

The small Light boy sat on the grass, his arms behind his head, now, and listened, apparently with at least some concentration, now.

"My name is Mitsunari Ishida, and I serve the most amazing Lord under the Sun, Lord Hideyoshi!!!!"

"Wow, that's impressive. If he's so amazing, congratulations! I'm happy for you."

Mitsunari beamed, basking himself in the other brat's words, the first words the small Light brat said that were worth listening to, in Sakichi's opinion.

"It's funny, you know," the small Light brat continued, "But I think I know why it's the two of us who met, here and now."

Mitsunari frowned, and quietly sat down near the small Light boy - was it just him, or did the brat's Light grow just slightly, when his shadow touched it? Because they were sitting so close on this grass now that they were almost touching.

~~_**Speak for yourself again, no 'almost' for me. Mhm, nice. Warm and shiny!** _ ~~

~~~~** TOLERABLE. **

Mitsunari looked at the boy now, silently asking ~~**_and why is that? What's the reason?_**~~.

"I happen to have had my genpuku yesterday. I think--- that must have connected us. And, and maybe this", he added, pointing at the strenthening Rays of growing Sun around them, warming them, embracing them together and then pointing down at their growing shadows, connected by Darkness now.

"Your name?"

"Take--- Ieaysu. I'm Ieyasu Tokugawa, and I can say it proudly, now!"

"Why?"

"Because---"

"Why should you say anything proudly," Mitsunari said, standing up now, painfully disconnecting their joined shadows, "when you steal need some strong warrior's help for anything and everything? You're **_~~nothing on your own, that's how I see it.~~_** ~~~~ ~~~~Goodbye."

 

**********

He truly left, now. He's noticed that immediately upon waking up. Lord Hanbei's gaze met his, and he silently tried to communicate to him that he met somebody else, somebody, who, like their amazing Lord, was born of the Light, though he was apparently born of the Light very recently, not originally, and his Light wasn't very Bright, yet, not like their Lords.

Hanbei-sama must've understood the message at least partly, since he smiled a little in an answer and nodded, before turning back to Nagamasa Azai. With whom he was apparently conversing now.

Hanbei-sama could always hold two, three, or even six conversations at once, by various means, Sakichi had noticed that long ago. Mitsunari was till truly amazed by that.

 

**********

Ieyasu, waking up, sitting up, poked his shadow. But there was no trace of the boy there. No trace of Mitsunari. Neither was there any trace of him in his soul, he thought, gingerly touching his chest. Nothing. No Darkness, no tiniest shadow traces, even... So, they didn't form a Bond, after all.

Because Takechiyo knew bonds. Whenever he had formed a bond with someone, a true one, a piece of theirs... something?? Connected to them?? A fragment of such mysterious something connected to them... went into him, too, connecting to him as well. He knew that, because he had two Bonds now. One with Tadakatsu and one with Tadatsugu. And so, no Bond with Mitsunari. Even though he felt it almost, almost... almost forming. It was a shame, really... he wanted to--

On the other hand, he wasn't unhappy or missing anything, because just a second ago he had a message from Tadakatsu. An inward one.

Tadakatsu said that he would be there in a minute. And so, even with lack of any material or immaterial trace of Mitsunari - was Mitsunari even a real person? - everything was fine.

**~~nothing on your own~~ **

**~~nothing on your own~~ **

Iyeasu shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut, and then frowned. When he opened his eyes again, he instantly looked at the palm of his own hand, suddenly almost expecting it to be becoming transparent as long as he wasn't near Tadakatsu. It wasn't transparent, though. But still, it seemed so small.

So small.

** SO IT IS SMALL. I CAN'T EXACTLY WILL IT LARGER, CAN I? **

** DO NOT HURRY SO, AS DARK ONES DO. DARKNESS GROWS BY RASHNESS AND QUICKNESS, AND BY FEEDING ON LIGHT, WITH QUICK OBSESSIVE BURSTS, OVERWHELMING, GROWING WITH DESPERATE RASHNESS, BUT NOT SO WITH LIGHT. **

** HOW DOES... 'LIGHT'?... GROW, THEN? **

** WITH PERSISTENCE AND PATIENCE AND BELIEF. **

** BELIEF? **

** SOMEDAY, YOU MAY FIND BELIEF. IF YOU DO NOT, YOU SHALL NOT GROW, MY SMALL MAN. THAT IS HOW THAT IS AND THAT IS ALL. **

** WHAT? **

** ALL. **

Fortunately, he was spared futher incomprehensiveness of... himself?? Something connected to him, mystically? He didn't know himself. He was spared it, because Tadakatsu was coming, was close now, he could feel him.

And so, he ran to meet him, as soon as possible.

 


End file.
